You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
They are going to name an STD after you.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
