dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
This house was built for laser tag.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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