I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
