you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
