So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
