i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
