somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
