sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
