wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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