Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
