so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Randomize
