she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
