So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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