She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
