ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize