Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
