I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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