I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
