I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
