i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
