go do what you do best...puke behind churches
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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