So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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