I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
