I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Hippo gnu deer
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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