u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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