Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
