Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
