So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
You're like the curious george of whores
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize