It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
