the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
