so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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