My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
