hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
