I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Randomize
