im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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