i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
