Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
