oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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