he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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