Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
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