i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Randomize
