So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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