Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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