took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
