operation harelip BJ is a go
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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