wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Im part way to drunk.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
