I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
