Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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