who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Randomize
