i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
do herpes really smell.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
