Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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