i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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