just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
