I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Randomize