"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
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