you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
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