i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
