i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
