i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Banned from zoo.
Again?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
