I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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