I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
We talked him into tasing himself.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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