I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize