you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
