I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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