I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
