Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
