so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Just took my morning after pill in the library
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
