She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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