no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
