Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
