I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
why didn't you poke me back
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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