Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
There's always time for handjobs
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
