I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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