So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Even my vagina gasped.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
The uberlube is also flammable
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
