Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
