Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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