I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
