ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
