It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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