ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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