Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
