i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
